Shawnee Kilgore

Unforgiven

 

I don’t need to be remembered

I don’t care if I’m believed

I’m not waiting in my cell

to be condemned or be reprieved

I was told I came out crooked

so I walked a crooked line

now the judgement may be final

but it’s mine

 

I will live unforgiven

I will rise among the brave

and I won’t ask for permission

to lie in my own grave

I will fly and I will fall

and I will live unforgiven

 

all the promises I’ve broken

all the hearts I couldn’t hold

all the truths I left unspoken

just to keep away the cold

now the wind is like a talon

and my skin is raked with grace

the grin I wear goes well beyond

my face

 

I will live unforgiven

I’m not hiding anymore

and if I built my own prison

I can damn well build a door

I will howl and I will sigh

and I will live unforgiven

 

there’s a poison I can’t swallow

a regret I can’t allow

our mistakes are never hollow 

anyhow

I have made all my excuses

now I have to make my way

if you can’t take me that’s ok

 

I will live unforgiven

I will make my world mine

and I may not get to heaven

but it won’t keep me from trying

I will smile and I will storm

and I will live

I will live unforgiven

I will die among the brave 

and I won’t ask for permission 

to lie in my own grave

I will fly and I will crawl

and I will live

I will try and I will fall

and I will live unforgiven 

after all

 

Back to Eden

 

there’s a blackbird on the bar

picking cherries from a tin

there’s a scream of daylight

every time the door swings

someone in

there’s a gleaming copper pool of warm 

can wash away my sin

 

if I ask where I went wrong

I hear a thousand voices yell

the air itself will clamor

and the ground begin to swell

I never sleep in silence

but I mean to live to tell

 

so raise your glass

and your voice in song

gonna drink me back to eden

‘fore too long

 

I rolled in with my misdeeds

my remorse my fear and doubt

such a crowd we need a bouncer

or the walls will buckle out

but redemption is upended

and comes singing through that spout

 

to drown these ghosts

and end their moan

gonna drink me back to eden

all alone

 

I know how you all look at me

I grow tired of what I can’t be

I glow why doesn’t someone see

I glow

 

when I get back to the garden

I’ll be silent and serene

I will lay my ageless nakedness

upon the whispering green

ain’t no snake can show me anything

I ain’t already seen

 

so wave goodbye 

and cry amen

gonna drink me back to eden

once again

 

so wave goodbye 

and cry amen

gonna drink me back to eden

once again

 

Big Giant Me 

 

what if I wake up tomorrow

bigger than my bed

what if try standing and I

crack the ceiling with my head

 

what if I come over 

and you open your front door

and find me looking in your bedroom 

window on the second floor

 

would you laugh

would you scream

and pray it was a dream

or could you be

glad to see

big giant me

 

s'posing I keep growing till I 

don't fit on my lawn

move on up the mountainside 

with only rocks for sleeping on

 

would you build me a bed

or stay in yours instead

could you be

glad to see 

big giant me

 

I know you like your peace and quiet

I know pride goes before a fall

I know the villagers might riot

but I might try it after all

I might wake up much too tall

 

I could get chased out of town

'cause everyone's afraid

but I think I'd be gentle 

and I know I'd help the tourist trade

 

so think about it 

I'm not saying

I won't stay this size

I only know a thing keeps growing up 

or else it up and dies

 

and I think

maybe you

could be a giant too

 

and you'd be glad to see

how we'd live enormously

you would be glad to see 

big giant me

 

 

Break the Skin

 

I’m lost inside your cries

you tremble over me

I blush until I bruise

I claw through twisted limbs

just shy of victory 

we only play to lose

 

I did the best I could

with the way things were

and I’ll never look back in anger

I could with a wicked wild grin

I could if I burned all night

could I earn this fight I started

I could never look back again

 

you swim and push so hard

I’m pinned in ribboned silk

I bend to fight the tide

cool water trickles in

relieved and unfulfilled

won’t say we never tried

 

I did the best I could

with the way things were

and I’ll never look back in anger

I could with a wicked wild grin

I could if I burned all night

could I earn this fight I started

I could never look back again

 

my words are breaking out

my heart is breaking in

I’ve got a wanderlust

I wanna break the skin

my heart is breaking out

your words are breaking in

I wanna break the skin

 

I did the best I could

with the way things were 

and I’ll never look back in anger

I could never look back again

I could if I burned all night

could I earn this fight I started

I could never look back again

 

I could never look back again

 

Three Legged Dog

 

every step is labored

every sprint's a jog

but still I say that fortune favors

that three-legged dog

 

leaning on one forepaw

With two firm feet behind

got himself a sense of balance

that most folk never find

 

had to fall a few times

when it first was gone

but he got up and he got up and

man he's walking on

 

and he ain't fast

but he ain't frail

and he don't waste his days

chasing his tail

he's walking on

 

barking at the weather

and hopping up to beg

doesn't spend a moment asking

where’d they put my leg

 

all the field critters

that he loves to chase

they outrun him but he don't mind

‘cause he ain't in a race

 

and he ain't fast

but he ain't frail

and he don't waste his days

chasing his tail

he's walking on

 

we live beyond our losses

we count more than our faults

if you've got three when they've got four 

if you’ve got less when they’ve got more

if you've got three when they've got four 

everything's a waltz

 

 

Love Song

 

I got coffee in my cup

I got chickens in my yard

I got time to watch

the sun start waking up

I got books I mean to read

I got dishes I'll just leave

I got love  

and coffee in my cup

 

I got love

this is a love song

 

I got work when I need work

I got plans and then I don't 

I got friends to lean on

when I start to lean

I got stories I can tell

and a few I never will

and a checkered dress that

makes me feel sixteen

 

I got love

this is a love song

 

I get blue

the garden starts to wither

where it grew

the rains will never come

but then they do

and I get through

 

well I guess I've got a soul

and I guess it has a mate

but that isn't something

I been thinking of

'cause there's currants growing wild

underneath that old stone bridge

and they're warm against my palm

and I got love

 

I got love

this is a love song