Shawnee Kilgore - Beginning at the Wilderness

This is It (Don’t Get Scared Now)

woke up from a dream

with all the things I was afraid to say

wondering how I managed

to use up all of my rainy days

reading into nothing in particular

can make me crazed

all my inhibitions have me drowning

in my soul’s malaise

this is it

don’t get scared now

trying to remember how it felt

to be alive again

dying to believe I could ever

let the living in

tell me what you did when you

discovered you could disappear

anything can happen when the

color of the air is clear

this is it

don’t get scared now

living off the trials and tribulations

of a broken heart

when will I remember that I’m whole

with just a broken part

looking in the mirror is as hard

as it has ever been

staring down the enemy

when all I really need is a friend

this is it

don’t get scared now

The Littlest Lion

the littlest lion

is coming to wake me up

not afraid of the crying

she’s coming to shake me up

the littlest secret

is making a real big deal

I’m trying to keep it

‘cause what if the truth’s not real

what if I can’t go home

what if I’m just a rolling stone

growing afraid of how I’ve grown

I’m hoping you miss me

I’m hoping you see me strong

there’s a light in the history

I’m careful to leave it on

‘cause what if we can’t go home

how do we stop these rolling stones

how do we fix these broken bones

it’s making a difference

questioning everything

I’m going the distance

even a lost bird sings

what if I can’t go home

what if I’m just a wishing stone

going wherever I’ve been thrown

just going wherever I’ve been thrown

the littlest lion

is mighty and brave and good

she’s small but she’s trying

to do what a big lion would

the littlest lion

is coming to wake me up

Leaving Old Town

I’m leaving old town

I’m leaving everything

won’t let the sun shine

won’t let the birds sing

I’ve got a bright star

I’ve got an offering

I’m leaving old town

I’m leaving home again

I can’t remember

how it’s all supposed to end

I’ll be a big girl

I’ll be a better friend

I made a big deal

out of a little time

I’ve had to let go

of everything that wasn’t mine

I’ve got a big dream

I’ve got a reason why

I’m leaving old town

It’s all that I can see

I want to laugh loud

when I look back at me

I want the magic

I want the fantasy

I made a big deal

out of a little time

I’ve had to let go

of everything that wasn’t mine

I’ve got a big dream

I’ve got a reason why

and if I die here

what would I think of that

would I just lie here

wishing I could go on back

I’ll climb the branches

to where the sky is at

I made a big deal

out of a little time

I’ve had to let go

of everything that wasn’t mine

I’ve got a big dream

I’ve got a reason why

Freeze the Sailor

freeze the sailor in a moment

be kind and choose the one he loves the most

how he wishes he could hold that ghost

how he wishes he was breathing

trees of winter standing still no more

the brittle season of the wind and storm

watching fields behind the country stores

he swore he’d last another winter

now I’m wishing I could fly

I would give it away

now I’m wishing I could fly

I would give it away

we used to watch him working on his boat

shining skin we’d pass him on the road

kept his head down in a sailor’s clothes

an awesome sight when he was younger

he smoked and spoke

with just a slight breath left

with just the violins and coronets

ancient green and angled close with death

a knot in place of all the hardness

now I’m wishing I could fly

I would give it away

you know he didn’t touch the earth that day

he didn’t even touch the earth that day

I didn’t even touch the earth that day

freeze the sailor in a moment

be kind and choose the one he loved the best

how he wishes he could feel his chest

how he wishes he was breathing

Lay You Down Pretty

lay you down pretty in a hole

in a hole

lay you down pretty in a hole

in a hole

lay you down pretty in a hole

lay me down pretty in a hole

in a hole

lay me down pretty in a hole

in a hole

lay me down pretty in a hole

lay your big brother in a hole

in a hole

lay your big brother in a hole

in a hole

lay your big brother in a hole

lay your good daddy in a hole

in a hole

lay your good daddy in a hole

in a hole

lay your good daddy in a hole

lay your strong mama in a hole

in a hole

lay your strong mama in a hole

in a hole

lay your strong mama in a hole

lay your sweet lover in a hole

in a hole

lay your sweet lover in a hole

in a hole

lay your sweet lover in a hole

lay your little baby in a hole

in a hole

lay your little baby in a hole

in a hole

lay your little baby in a hole

lay us all pretty in a hole

in a hole

lay us all pretty in a hole

in a hole

lay us all pretty in a hole

Thousand Miles

he wakes up to another bed

with another’s stories to fill his head

and he wonders if darkness is a mirror

‘cause language says just what language wants

and the darkness begs with the darkest charms

and the morning is cool and clear

it’s a wonder that I’m here

he’s got wings of steel

and a heart of fire

he’s got time to think now

it makes him tired

he’s got time to see himself again

and the Berlin wall runs

right through his dreams

‘cause he touched it once

at its broken seams

couldn’t keep him out or keep him in

it’s a wonder to just begin

a thousand miles now

closing in

he’s got stories written of coming home

he’s got stories written that aren’t his own

he’s got everything he used to need

but it’s back to work and it’s back to back

and he won’t need Monday to tell him that

but the page is slow to turn

he fears the speed

it’s a wonder that I bleed

a thousand miles now

left to grieve

he wakes up to the same old bed

with the same old stories to fill his head

couldn’t keep him out or keep him back

he’s got wings of steel and a heart of fire

there’s no time to think now, it makes him tired

there’s no time to see himself like that

it’s a wonder that I’m sad

a thousand miles now

to coming back

it’s a wonder that I’m sad

a thousand miles now

Little America

I was hoping I’d fallen from grace

with the earth rushing hard at my face

there’s so much I’ve tried to erase

it’s just a little america

a little bit anxious

a little bit restless

a little bit thankless

a little bit reckless

when everything falls away

I fall away

I tried hard to let it all go

but I cling to my secrets

I showed everything I meant to show

it’s the truth that defeats us

I was running from everything else

I’m just a little america

a little bit anxious

a little bit restless

a little bit thankless

a little bit reckless

when everything falls away

I fall away

if I follow you’re not alone

if I lead I will lead you home

to a bed in the undertone

if I take what I mean to give

if I show you the things I did

if I die when I mean to live

it’s just a little america

a little bit anxious

a little bit restless

a little bit thankless

a little bit reckless

when everything falls away

it’s a little america

a little bit anxious

a little bit thoughtless

a little bit thankless

a little bit reckless

when everything falls

and I’m tearing my heart

from the cracks in the walls

I’m a little america

a little bit empty

from holding my breath

and the notes that you sent me

I’m writing my letters

I’m singing for rain

and I hope you can hear me now

I hope you can hear me now

What is a Grown Up

it comes in the front door

it’s quiet at night

and if you are sleeping

it will leave out the light

it’ll crawl in close

and hold on tight

and it’s a long hard road ahead

it’s fixing to linger

it’s fixing to stay

it’s fixing to bug me

till I’m up and away

I got woes and worries

to light the way

and it’s a long hard road ahead

I’ve got big ideas

and a train wreck in my head

I can remember

and I can be told

I was playing with fire

had my hand to the stove

I was breaking my heart

I was breaking the mold

I was breaking a sweat

standing out in the cold

keeping composure

I’m keeping it cool

even though I’m a senior

and I’m let out of school

there’s a parking lot

and the back lot rules

and it’s a long hard road ahead

what is a grown up

I’m lost in the chase

I’m starting to own up

I’m finding my pace

I know my heart

and I know my face

and it’s a long hard road ahead

let the grindstone go

put your nose to a rose instead

I can remember

and I can be told

that I’m playing with fire

got my hand to the stove

I was breaking my heart

I was breaking the mold

now I’m breaking a sweat

standing out in the cold

it doesn’t get old

I come in the front door

I’m quiet at night

and if you are sleeping

I will leave out the light

I will crawl in close

and hold on tight

At the Water’s Edge

I broke the silence

and I broke the dawn

it’s just the wrong side of the writer

that you woke upon

I will be coming back

I will be coming strong

I held the pages

and I held the pen

I held the broken heart

that couldn’t seem to beat again

I’m coming empty

but I’m coming in

I’ve been drinking at the water’s edge

prayed for thunder in the watershed

dreamed a bridge across the river bed

when it dried I bled

I pray for music

and I pray for words

I pray for anything but silence

in the mouths of birds

it’s more than I expect

it’s more than I deserve

maybe I have taken

more than mine

maybe I’m here taking shots

of someone else’s wine

my breath is coming back

gasping line by line

I’ve been drinking at the water’s edge

prayed for thunder in the watershed

dreamed a bridge across the river bed

when it dried I bled

Ode to England

I’ve made a lot of motion

I do a lot of things

my baby crossed an ocean

I miss his company

I’ve got a lot to think on

what am I doing here

and could I do it better

or else just disappear

I miss Barack Obama

I miss the way it was

to have a president

I looked upon with grace and love

you never see it coming

you never see it clear

but it was really something

and now it’s really here

I’ve got a little while

I’ve got the time I need

I’ve got the stitches ready

in case it starts to bleed

they say the pen is mighty

I say the pen is truth

it keeps me honest and alive

no matter what I do

I really hit the jackpot

I really struck the gold

born a white girl

with a healthy chance of growing old

but if I leave the country

I’ll see a sinking ship

I haven’t done enough to fight

and I’m ashamed of it

I make a lot of motion

I do a lot of things

my baby crossed an ocean